Ahhh the grace of nature, a balm for the soul. Aren’t we meant to come back to this source, to immerse ourselves amongst the trees or water, the cycles of the earth? Nature is detoxifying, pulling us into the present, into our bodies, cleansing us of the burdens of the mind.
I don’t want to leave this place, where I breath easy, write freely.
My doctor goes through his list of standard questions.
Do you sleep well?
I just answer yes. I don’t tell him I wake at 4am these days, a new habit perhaps, or biology, hormones, announcing their shift. Sometimes worrisome thoughts trickle in at this time.
Car accidents. One wrong turn, one distracted driver, an instant. One wrong choice. Tragedies. Illness. The people I love. What are the chances no one will be harmed?
Oh the burden of love.
And the global worries, the earth, the damage, the carelessness toward that which sustains us.
Inequality. Unbalance of power.
Oh the burden of caring.
And since when is this politics?
Isn’t it as simple as right versus wrong?
Evolution versus stagnation.
Love over fear.
Truth over denial.
People before money.
Feelings over things.
Heart before ego.
And then I hate myself for thinking it is that simple, for needing to convince. And then what starts in my heart shifts to ego. I am right. You are wrong. It is this simple.
But it’s not.
The burden of caring. It is too heavy.
I don’t know how to care without suffering.
So now, in this place of beauty and surrender, I care less. I simply will do no harm, but I vow to focus less on that which I cannot change.
I am preparing to speak, a voice for children. I am putting notes together, but I keep coming back to this: just show up and speak the truth. This I can do.
Write my story. This I can do.
Do you sleep well?
I just answer yes.
Because I will. I will care less for that which I have no control. I will show up and speak the truth. I will write. I will be a voice, just one voice for one issue. That is all.
That is enough.
I breath in the sky, the massive pine trees lining the water like an artist’s brush. I will be back here soon. I will breath easy. Write more. Sleep well.
I return to the petty thoughts, the grounding thoughts.
The dog needs more food.
Shop for curtains.
Pick up the dry cleaning.
It feels good to care less about the world. Peaceful.
To pick one thing and just do that.
To surrender all else to the earth, the sky, the air.
That’s the truth about nature. It takes nothing from us but our burdens, real or imagined.
And it gives everything in return.